Little Johnny's dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some.

Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, "Whatcha doin' Daddy?" 

Johnny's dad stoops over to cover up his d*ck and starts looking at the floor. 

"Oh, I'm just looking for this big rat I saw." he says.

Little Johnny asks, "Whatcha gonna do, f*ck it?"

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. 

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." 

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." 

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." 

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." 

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen.

A boy watches his mum and dad having sex he ask,

"What are you doing ?"

His dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!"

Boy say, "Do her doggy style I want a puppy.

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,

"Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour,"

But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband,

"When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Old Lady: I am 94 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Old Lady: He began to rub all over of my body.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so ‘spicy’ that I just laid down and told him ‘Take me, young man. Take me now!’

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, ‘ April Fool!’ And that’s when I shot him, the little custard

Boy asks a girl: How much calcium is there in woman's breasts?

Girl: Woman's breasts have enough calcium to help a man's boneless thing stand up!

 Cicak: Tuan rumah baru beli raket elektrik, gua kenduri nyamuk BBQ mlm nih…

Nyamuk: Baru habis ronda rumah Ajoi… kenyang burp, Alhamdulillah…

Aedes: Baru jer selamat bagi injekan maut, yeah!!!

Ayam: Tidaaaaaaaaaaaak, Besok majikan gua mau buat kenduri kesyukuran, gua mau di sembeliiiiihhh!…

Cicak: isteriku tersepit pintu

Kucing Betina: “Anak i yang ke-5 baru tanya siapa bapaknya. I bingung nak jawab apa. I sendiri lupa bapaknya siapa.”

Ayam: Kawan2…kalu esok guwe tak update…bererti guwe udah di goreng….I luv u all… jangan luper wat kenduri arwah untuk I yaa…

Nyamuk: Siot, sekali drug addict gua hantam. Gua positif HIV AIDS… uwaaaaaaa

Cicak: Mau ke ke bilik air anak tuan rumah jap … baru beli videocam baru …

Kucing: Baru je add awek sebelah umah… keturunan PARSI beb!!!

Tikus: Operasi malam ni… selongkar kitchen kabinet… sape nak ikot?

A Japanese girl accidentally lets out a big fart after making love. She said, “Aww, so sorry… excuse me pleazo, Front hole is so happy that my back hole laugh out loud!”

Love is a complicated machinery. But sometimes all you need is a good screw to fix it.

What’s the difference between biology and sociology?When the baby looks like his mom or dad = it’s biology. When he looks like the neighbour, = it is sociology.

What do u call the useless piece of flesh attached to the dick? = The MAN.

Whoever first said “A dog is man’s best friend” = he must have never seen a pussy before.

Why is breast milk good for health? Because it is great for blood circulation, provides heat, is refreshing and comes in attractive containers.

Why was the two-piece bikini invented? To separate the meat section from the dairy section.

A mother was scolding the daughter, “I don’t like the guy you are going out with. He is too dumb.” "No, Mama,” she said, “He is going to be a doctor. See, he has already cured me of that illness that I used to have every month!”